On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
