He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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