The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dude. I can hear the air.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
