good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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