I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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