My hand turned me down
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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