apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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