I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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