hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
