Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
