My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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