btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We need to get me chipped asap
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