I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize