Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
