I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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