i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
