and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
