glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
