Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
