Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
