Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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