I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
