Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
pray to the hookup gods
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize