just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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