my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
