when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
