i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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