I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
