I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
