Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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