Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize