grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
