Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
