You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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