Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize