A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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