I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I deserve this hangover.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
