9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's rum buckets o'clock
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
