New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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