In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
