i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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