I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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