Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
