Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
