My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
PANTIES FOUND
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
