hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize