Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
