Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
