Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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