Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
