She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
