I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
