I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
