I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
