I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Acid is not a monday night drug
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
