I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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