you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
