so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
