Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize