Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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