Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
