i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
