The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
