those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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