arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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