I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
