You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
