I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
